Halfsour’s ‘Sticky’ is the toothpick that props your eyelid open. A glorious aid to wake you up or stave off sleep, ‘Sticky’ is a flat-out shredder that punches you straight in the gut. With spiky guitars more reliable than a robotic production line, drums that perforate your very soul and unmistakeable vocals courtesy of Zoë Wyner, it’s a record that’s ever present, perfectly built brick by brick, always ready to host you on it’s plush, comfy couch.
What pervades ‘Sticky’ most though is an overwhelming sense of humanity. It’s the blood beating round your body, the fleeting moments of tenderness shared with friends, the naïve, juvenile arguments of lovers, the banal wasted hours sacrificed to Netflix and Hulu. On ‘Paper Window’ Wyner reckons with her irrational desire to move some place new, eventually concluding that the bulldog in her backyard would be just as big and formidable no matter where she moved; while ‘Big Teeth’ sees Wyner take down a narcissist in love with the sound of their own voice.
Walk through the banalities and our very own mortalities in Halfsour’s illuminating track-by-track below:
We all have encountered at least one (likely more) Television Professor(s) at some point in our lives. Turns out, without much effort, you too can become a Television Professor! NOTE: a simple purchase of a very large flat screen television is required, as are subscriptions to Hulu, Netflix, and ideally HBO Now.
To be a Television Professor, first you must stop playing music. This is vital as music requires social interaction with strangers, which is definitely not conducive to the Television Professor lifestyle. Next, you must lose touch with your friends – they will only hinder your progress as they will attempt to get you to join them for drinks and brunches. Once you have rid yourself of regular social obligations, you are prepared for the final step: the dedication of your life to your couch!
Blurred Camera Phone:
By the time you’re in your late 20’s you shouldn’t give a shit about how you’re perceived, right? You’re supposed to reach a point where you live your life in a way that is true to yourself, isn’t that accurate? Apparently, that’s not always the case. Sure, societal beauty standards don’t mess with your head in the way that they used to. You could care less what your parents have to say about your choice to embrace the DIY lifestyle. But apparently there’s always a way to find someone who you’re really terrified will be completely unimpressed with you. And so what if they never know the real you? @_@
Have you ever had a friend who turned out to be a rather toxic person? Did that friend decide to move to another city for a number of reasons, one of which being that they had destroyed their relationships with many of the people they had been close to? And when that friend burned all the bridges that they built in the new city, did they move back to the place where you live? Did it totally stress you out? Certainly stressed me out! But it’s also apparently possible to feel sad and/or scared for that person to the point of wanting to reach out and make sure they are okay, despite the fact that you know they’ll just be shitty to you all over again! Pretty thrilling!
It’s wild how long it can take for a sense of loss to take hold. You might have been friends in high school, lost touch, and then run across them on social media 10 years later. And all of a sudden you’re tearing up, actively sad that they’re not in your life anymore? Even though you haven’t thought of that person in MANY YEARS? And you become totally fixated on their perfect life, and think what it would have been like if you were still friends. You reach out to another high school friend and pester them – you’ve gotta know how that person is ACTUALLY doing. Is there a chance that your life might be different if you hadn’t lost touch? You’ll never know!
Alright, hear me out: mass manufacture of invisibility cloaks (available at DIY-friendly prices, of course). You roll up to the gig with one on, don’t take it off until you’re onstage, play your set, and then put it back on and disappear into the night. No one tries to make small talk. No one feels like they have to say “good set” to you. No one asks you to book shows for them anymore because they don’t know how to find you since you deleted all your social media accounts. Hell, they may not even know what you look like anymore. There are times where that, my friends, sounds like heaven on earth. The appeal of the Television Professor lifestyle.
Everyone talks about change in Boston and how it’s tough, but that’s because it takes up so much space in our lives. It’s like watching old friends fade away into the distance. Almost like you’re on the other side of Blurred Camera Phone, you’re the force that’s trying to suppress this progression. You don’t want to recognize this place and it’s people as home – maybe if you scare them into being what you hoped they would be, you can freeze everything in its place? Obviously it doesn’t work like that haha. So you just live in a constant state of melancholy and romanticize other places that have just as many issues as the one you call home does.
Alright, sure, it’s hard to motivate yourself to get things done. Totally hear that. Some days even just trying to feed yourself is a serious challenge, let alone with food that doesn’t make your digestive system revolt against your brain. But somehow, you just keep taking more and more on. Why is it impossible to just say no? Will you ever get any of the things you promised to do done? Honestly just build yourself a casket using all of the half-finished projects that you’ve got sitting around – let’s be real, you’re never gonna get through them, and it’s a more eco-friendly approach to handling the fact that you drowned in your promises than any other I can think of.
This one is OBVIOUSLY based on the popular novel by Louis Sachar, “Holes.” JUST KIDDING, although the idea of repetitive action with the notion that you’ll learn something from it is certainly a constant. It sure is easy to fall into a pattern of making friends with the same types of people over and over, feeling a sense of trust and security in said friendships, and then having the whole thing turned on its head. There’s always someone there to say TOLD YOU SO, but it’s hard to see a clear outcome at the beginning of an exciting and intoxicating fast friendship.
We all know plenty of people who are totally in love with the sound of their own voice. Yes, you have the best ideas. Yes, you go on the most interesting vacations and no, nothing that anyone else sitting at the same table could have ever experienced even comes close. Your ideas are so brilliant and you are going to be the most successful person we have ever met. So what happens when someone decides to challenge what you’re saying? Oh, what’s that? You dismiss them and just keep going? In those moments (and almost no others) I am Ready To Fight.
So imagine this: every single time you become attached to something in your life, it immediately ceases to exist. The only cure? Hide everything dear to you. Do everything in your power to keep it your secret. Stagnate – do not seek out progress or change. Time machines are pretty useless in these scenarios. Instead, you have to gently coax time into ceasing to exist! Easy, right??? It’s 2019! So, we decided to make you one! That’s right, a time machine! It is housed within the ending of this song! It will preserve your life and ensure you can remain in the moment of your choosing for as long as you like!
(But honestly, what is the alternative? LOL)
So you’ve dated some real winners. That one guy who kept ghosting you and then coming back. The other one who would brag about the other people he was seeing at the same time as you while you were out to dinner. There have been so many. That does not, however, mean that you should settle for this lesser evil. Sure, this one shows up, but he’s constantly talking over you and dismissing what you have to say. He’s not seeing anyone else, but he constantly makes you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with your friends. He’s very nice about sex, but you also don’t really enjoy it with him and try to distract yourself until it’s over.
YOU ARE STUCK IN A MILK BATH. You feel like it’s almost okay, maybe even kind of soothing to the skin, but in reality it’s absolutely not.